For the Fourth of July weekend, the Mr. and I decided to skip out on some festivities with his family. This was not an easy decision for us and it was made even more difficult by the initial grief and guilt-tripping we were met with––the most popular being "Think about the family."
Hearing this pissed me off because we always think about the family (his family most of the time)... We spent our first Valentine's Day as a married couple at his cousin's son's baptism. Our first wedding anniversary at his brother's home for his 30th birthday. We've also worked it out so that Thanksgiving and Christmas are evenly distributed amongst my mom and his parents. I'm glad that we've been able to share in those holidays and important life events and I wouldn't change a thing, but I do wish everyone would realize that Mr. and I are thinking of the family––our little family of two. And that our feelings matter too.
As much as the Mr. and I love our families, they have all (at one time or another) said something that's really upset me (or the Mr.). This is a major reason why the Mr. and I tend not to display all of our feelings or share all that is actually going on. Personally, I'm afraid of the words I'll be met with (more on what not to say to someone going through infertility in a future post). Yes, I know they love us and they're trying to show their support, but the whole "think about the family" thing was one of the worst things that I could hear.
This is why, on July 3 after a particularly emotionally draining day and a torrential downpour, it was so wonderful to see a rainbow in the city. I'd been sad and frustrated and angry for quite some time, but seeing that rainbow, I felt for the first time in a long while like God was speaking to me. That He was saying, "Everything will be okay. No matter what happens, you'll be okay." And those were the only words I wanted (and needed) to hear.
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| Rainbow over the West Village |
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