3 Percent

I hear the doctor say 3 percent. That's my chance of getting pregnant naturally each month. 3 percent.

It feels like a movie where everything slows down and you see the doctor's lips moving, but you can't hear a sound. Except for the echoing of 3 percent. 3 percent. 3 percent.

I didn't think it would be so low. I thought the lowest it could be was 20 percent. Maybe 15 percent. But not 3 percent.

I'm under 35. I'm pretty healthy. I do yoga and eat fruits and vegetables. My ovaries function properly. My fallopian tubes are "anatomically perfect." I'm a moderate drinker (in no way, shape or form a lush). I've never done drugs or smoked. Heck, I don't even drink coffee! And yet I have a 3 percent chance of getting pregnant?

What's wrong with us? No one knows. We seem to fall into the small group of couples with unexplained infertility.

I can't cry. I refuse to cry. I know I need to keep it together so I can hear the other numbers he tells me... 8 percent chance of getting pregnant with pills and IUI... 20 percent with injectibles and IUI... 50 percent with IVF...

I ask the next practical question: What are the costs since my current insurance plan only covers diagnosis and not treatment? $350 for each IUI... Up to $4,000 for injectibles... $10,000+ for IVF...

More numbers that make me feel helpless.

I don't know what exactly I was hoping would come out of this. Maybe I was hoping I would get more answers. Maybe I was hoping that we'd be able to take the next steps faster. Maybe I was hoping that I'd know for sure that at the end of this process I would have a baby in my arms. But, right now, all I have are more questions and more feelings of uncertainty...

But 3 percent? Well, to paraphrase The Hunger Games, the odds are definitely not in my favor. And that's kind of hard for me to process.