Like most people, I don't like change. This weekend, there were two changes that made me cry.
The first was my dry cleaner... He's closing his shop to retire. As a local business store owner, he was someone I always looked forward to seeing - always smiling and always remembered my name and my clothes. The Mr. and I went into his shop to say goodbye. And my dry cleaner, with his broken English and warm smile, bowed to us and said, "Have a nice every day." We wished him the same, walked out of his shop for the last time and I began to cry because, quite frankly, I'm going to miss this kind man.
The second was learning that American Girl was going to discontinue Molly, their WWII-era doll, who looked a lot like me as a little girl, with her long brown pigtails and wire glasses. You're probably thinking to yourself Why would you cry about that? It's just a stupid doll. And I know it is, but I had always imagined buying her for my little girl some day and with her being discontinued, it seemed like I would never have that chance. The Mr. and my mother did not thinking that I was being stupid and encouraged me to buy her to hold on to her for my little girl.
Funny enough, buying her and imagining my daughter playing with her gave me a bit of hope again, which is I'm scared about going to NYU Fertility Center next week. I'm scared that the treatments won't work and that we'll lose our minds and our savings trying to have a child. This is the one time in my life where I desperately want things to change, and where I'm more scared about them staying the same.
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